Don't tell, he'll go to jail

Apparently I have to put a warning otherwise: no post!
So, I guess it's time to get down to the nitty gritty type of stuff. I'm not actually sure how to start this bit. Its not that I have any trouble talking about it, I'm just not sure where to begin. I think a story might be best.

"I was raped", I said.
She sat on the bed, looking at me. I already knew she didn't believe me.
"Are you sure?" She questioned.
"Yes, he did it while everyone was asleep" I replied, numb. I'd been through this before, I knew how it would end.
She left the room and returned 10 minutes later.
"He said he went in your room because you invited him in, you both went to sleep and he woke up with you teling him you'd snap his arm in 3 places". She seemed more annoyed that I'd threatened her grandson.
"Yes, I did say that" I replied.
"Well, he didn't deny it happened. This is why I say sleep in separate bedrooms".
I wondered if she already knew her grandson was capable of such a thing.
"I'll have to tell your mum" she huffed.
She never told my mum and I never mentioned it again. After 3 more days in London, we all returned home and it was the last time I saw my cousin.
Two weeks later my period was due but it never came. I was so scared that I decided to get drunk and do as many drugs I could possibly find stashed in my room, I eventually vomited and passed out after:

  • Half a litre of Gin,
  • 10 shots of Vodka,
  • Cocaine,
  • 1 tab of acid,
  • 2 MDMA tablets and a small bomb of speed.

When I woke up I was bleeding, I've still no idea if it was my period or a miscarriage.
I was thirteen. I'd never been in a sexual relationship and at the time I'd rather die than have a child.
In time I pushed the whole thing to one side and got on with my life, until one night when my now ex partner raped me that I would suddenly start have flash backs of that night when I was 13.

"Don't tell anyone, he might go to jail"
                               - Grandmother No.2
Location: London, UK

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