Go love yourself (Trigger warning-abuse)

I grew up in an abusive household. If it wasn't strange men coming and going it was alcoholism, physical and sexual abuse, shouting, neglect.

I never fit in. My family was small and thin with beautiful features. I was always chubbier than the rest of the family and when I hit puberty I hated having chubby cheeks, a bigger bum and bigger thighs (good old genetics!)

I was always quiet, I guess that's what made me an easy target. I never spoke up, never questioned anything and when conflict came my way, I'd cry until I fell asleep.

I was unkempt, overweight, huge glasses and had head lice. It was horrendous and mother never did anything about it.

I was teased and bullied at home and at school. I never knew how to protect myself.

I was 26 years old when I decided to get help again. Not for myself but for my daughter. I didn't want her to feel like the fuck up I felt. She'll never have to question her self-worth.

Outside influence:

Every day we are bombarded with images on how we should look and what we should wear. We're even told what and where to eat and drink and how much we should consume. It really is no wonder why so many people can't find love from within, especially when they're trying to make the world love them.

Here it is folks, the world does not love you.

The brands you see on t.v. do not love you.

The companies you buy from, they don't love you.

It's all psychology, and advertising really knows what "flaws" it can use to get you to buy that lotion, that T-shirt, that food supplement. It also knows how to hook you in by changing the goal posts every time you start to feel better.

The general public is always several steps behind the business marketing strategies. You can never win.

But it's not your fault, it really isn't. When you're constantly told something isn't beautiful, when you're constantly told that if you don't have this product then you don't matter, then how can you truly love yourself?

Perception of the self:

Self love requires you to see yourself in a different perspective, from a place of love, trust and awareness. You don't have to change who you are either, part of self-love is loving who you are "flaws" and all.

1. Start your day with an affirmation.

Remind yourself that you are a beautiful, you are worth it, you are strong. Do this before you step a foot out of bed!

Repeat after me: 'I let go of all self doubt'.

2. Take time to meditate.

There are some amazing guided meditations on YouTube at the moment. Meditation forces us to focus on the right now and not the distractions in our day-to-day lives.

3. Write a journal.

Writing is a great way to find out what's really bothering you. It let's you find what and where things are going wrong and gives you another perspective on what's happening inside that magnificent brain. It can also be very cathartic, giving you an outlet to vent any emotions that may have built up during the day.

4. Be honest with yourself.

It's OK not to be OK. You don't need to force a smile or pretend life is amazing. Some people can 'fake it till they make it', some people can't. That's OK, be honest about how you feel and see if there's any way you can change those feelings.

5. Be patient.

You expect to work miracles over night. It takes time and patience to get to where you need to go. Don't beat yourself up because you haven't seen a change in 2 weeks, keep persevering and you'll always be one step closer to your goal.

6. Forgive yourself.

Learn from your mistakes and carry on. Everyone makes mistakes and you're not the first or the last to feel guilt about an action you've taken. Tell yourself every single day 'I forgive myself for (insert said guilt here)'. 

7. Just be you.

Make your voice heard, get yourself seen and don't hide away. 

8. Focus on the positive.

What do you like about yourself? What do others say they like about you? Write them down and look at them every day. Most people reading this will be empathetic, great listeners and sympathetic to the feelings of others. There's 3, get writing!

9. Try to be aware of self neglect.

It's so easy to beat yourself up with negative words, thoughts and actions. When you feel yourself doing this, pretend someone you love is in front of you. Would you say it to them? No? Then why would you say it to yourself?

10. Get help.

Sometimes there can be underlying issues which lead to self neglect. It's painful, and it may be worth seeking support from a group or a therapist to try to get to the bottom of the self hate.

I love all of you, you are wonderful, you are brave and you are capable of amazing things. We are all connected, if you can't love yourself just yet, I'll do it for you.

Leah x