The stars, the moon - mental health and relationships
I first met my partner 8 years ago. The second I saw him I knew I was in love. That very second I told myself that I was going to marry him and i was going to have his children. I didn't tell him about my mental health at first, I had such a sense of grandeur due to being addicted to drugs, I didn't even think that I had a mental illness at the time.
After a while, I left the drug scene, lost all the "friends" I thought I had and for the first time in a long time, I was alone and isolated. Eventually the happy façade I had put on, the walls I built to keep me protected, fell. Man, that caused me so much devastation to the point where I had no idea how to climb out of the rubble.
My partner saw the change in me. When I once kept myself clean and polished, the cracks began to show in my appearance. My make-up was pushed to the back of the closet, my nicer clothes laid in a pile on the floor, my roots were inches long. I just didn't care anymore. He stayed with me throughout it all. I was forcing him away but he pushed back just as hard with everything he had. He stripped me bare and grabbing onto my soul, he wouldn't let go.
Fast forward 2 years later we both suffered a devastating blow to our mental health, he had a breakdown. I honestly did not know how we could cope, would this be the making or the breaking of us? I couldn't lose him but I didn't have the resources to cope with the constant mood swings, the questions and wondering if today would be the last day I saw him. Somehow we made it through, I still have no idea how though. Its been really tough for both of us, I won't lie, but I'm so glad we pulled through.
Honestly, mental illness really does test relationships, some couples come out stronger and some falter. The best advice I can give is:
It can be really hard opening up to somebody when you have a mental illness, especially when you want this relationship to work and fear your mental illness will scare them away. You don't have to mention everything right away, this can be a traumatising for some, but you do owe it to each other and your relationship in being honest.
Surprise! The person you are dating had a life before you. Chances are, they may have been in bad relationships, they may have children, they may even have their own mental health problems. The truth is, this is just as unknown to them as it is to you and they may be feeling just as nervous opening up.
After a while, I left the drug scene, lost all the "friends" I thought I had and for the first time in a long time, I was alone and isolated. Eventually the happy façade I had put on, the walls I built to keep me protected, fell. Man, that caused me so much devastation to the point where I had no idea how to climb out of the rubble.
My partner saw the change in me. When I once kept myself clean and polished, the cracks began to show in my appearance. My make-up was pushed to the back of the closet, my nicer clothes laid in a pile on the floor, my roots were inches long. I just didn't care anymore. He stayed with me throughout it all. I was forcing him away but he pushed back just as hard with everything he had. He stripped me bare and grabbing onto my soul, he wouldn't let go.
Fast forward 2 years later we both suffered a devastating blow to our mental health, he had a breakdown. I honestly did not know how we could cope, would this be the making or the breaking of us? I couldn't lose him but I didn't have the resources to cope with the constant mood swings, the questions and wondering if today would be the last day I saw him. Somehow we made it through, I still have no idea how though. Its been really tough for both of us, I won't lie, but I'm so glad we pulled through.
Honestly, mental illness really does test relationships, some couples come out stronger and some falter. The best advice I can give is:
- Be honest with each other.
It can be really hard opening up to somebody when you have a mental illness, especially when you want this relationship to work and fear your mental illness will scare them away. You don't have to mention everything right away, this can be a traumatising for some, but you do owe it to each other and your relationship in being honest.
- Most people have baggage.
Surprise! The person you are dating had a life before you. Chances are, they may have been in bad relationships, they may have children, they may even have their own mental health problems. The truth is, this is just as unknown to them as it is to you and they may be feeling just as nervous opening up.
- Don't blame the illness
Not all relationships are meant to last. Just because you've had a relationship that's not worked out, it doesn't mean its going to be that way forever. People grow apart, they change, people want different things in a relationship. While its a sad experience being on the receiving end of a break-up, sometimes you just have to dust yourself off and carry on.
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