I feel like a fraud
It's a bit of a no-no when writing about something you don't fully understand. Today I'll be heading into that territory, some what.
I'm feeling guilty about the balance of the blog and I'm feeling a little fraudulent that I'm not sticking to the intent I originally set out to portray.
I always wanted this blog to show my journey with mental health and how I deal with it. I also wanted to give tips on how to cope when the dreaded black cloud strikes.
I'm feeling guilt that I'm not taking my own advice and I'm becoming a hypocrite. Do you ever feel that way? You give out good advice but as soon as it comes down to taking said advice, you can't do it?
Now into the no-no territory, I believe I could be disassociating. I don't know much about it which is why I don't feel I should write too much about it.
I've just bleached the kitchen floor and didn't want my daughter in there. I told her to go into the living room and she had a tantrum. I told her again but my voice was raised this time. Not shouting, just slightly sterner than last time.
My partner then said 'she's not going into the kitchen, leave her alone'. Boom! I am the worlds worst mum, ever. He didn't say it in a horrible way to me, he didn't raise his voice, he simply said those words and now I feel horrible.
I went to get her some new clothes as she'd poured bubble mixture down her jeans, I ended up sitting for 10 minutes on the floor of the bedroom staring at the pile of clothes I'd just pulled out of the wardrobe.
I can still hear everything, too well, in fact. I can hear the talking on the TV, I can hear the music in the other bedroom, I can hear the bubble machine whirring, I can hear the cat snoring on my bed. All these noises are layered on top of each other, yet I can hear each one exactly and so clearly.
I'm not in my body, its slightly off. I feel like I'm a tiny bit behind of myself it that makes sense? My body is moving just that fraction slower than normal and time has almost stopped.
10 minutes later, I'm fine. I stand up, change my daughters clothes and write this post.
I've looked on the net to find the disassociating symptoms, nothing matches mine, however I think it is a form of disassociation. I could be wrong though.
This isn't my highlight post, that'll be later this evening. I just wanted to share a moment in my day in the hopes that it doesn't affect me for the rest of the afternoon and evening.
I'm feeling guilty about the balance of the blog and I'm feeling a little fraudulent that I'm not sticking to the intent I originally set out to portray.
I always wanted this blog to show my journey with mental health and how I deal with it. I also wanted to give tips on how to cope when the dreaded black cloud strikes.
I'm feeling guilt that I'm not taking my own advice and I'm becoming a hypocrite. Do you ever feel that way? You give out good advice but as soon as it comes down to taking said advice, you can't do it?
Now into the no-no territory, I believe I could be disassociating. I don't know much about it which is why I don't feel I should write too much about it.
I've just bleached the kitchen floor and didn't want my daughter in there. I told her to go into the living room and she had a tantrum. I told her again but my voice was raised this time. Not shouting, just slightly sterner than last time.
My partner then said 'she's not going into the kitchen, leave her alone'. Boom! I am the worlds worst mum, ever. He didn't say it in a horrible way to me, he didn't raise his voice, he simply said those words and now I feel horrible.
I went to get her some new clothes as she'd poured bubble mixture down her jeans, I ended up sitting for 10 minutes on the floor of the bedroom staring at the pile of clothes I'd just pulled out of the wardrobe.
I can still hear everything, too well, in fact. I can hear the talking on the TV, I can hear the music in the other bedroom, I can hear the bubble machine whirring, I can hear the cat snoring on my bed. All these noises are layered on top of each other, yet I can hear each one exactly and so clearly.
I'm not in my body, its slightly off. I feel like I'm a tiny bit behind of myself it that makes sense? My body is moving just that fraction slower than normal and time has almost stopped.
10 minutes later, I'm fine. I stand up, change my daughters clothes and write this post.
I've looked on the net to find the disassociating symptoms, nothing matches mine, however I think it is a form of disassociation. I could be wrong though.
This isn't my highlight post, that'll be later this evening. I just wanted to share a moment in my day in the hopes that it doesn't affect me for the rest of the afternoon and evening.
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